Hi @guybower1,
The problem that you are experiencing is that the video mode of the essential grid has only 2 modes 16:9 and 3:4 and you can not give a strict height to a video element and it should always follow the aspect ratio which you give while clicking the settings of the specific element in the grid:

And as you added the video inside the settings as a one-off one it can not be changed and you can not change the play icon:

Unfortunately, I should say that both questions will have a negative answer in this case.
I suggest that you stay with all image or all video mode:
https://www.themepunch.com/essgrid-doc/working-with-video/
Thank you.